Wino Ref Nicosia: Battle 2007 Cyprus Shiraz

[In James Earl Jones' bass voice]

Cyprus is the birthplace of Aphrodite, ancient Greek goddess of love, beauty and sexuality. Will today's valiant contestants be impotent to the demanding palates of our venerable panel of refs or will they bring plenty of heat to Dyonisus' Bedroom?

[Cue theme song: Merle Haggard's The Bottle Let Me Down]

Welcome to Wino Ref Nicosia, The Rock's spunkiest wine tasting show, where egos are set aside, tender love is made to Riedel crystal glasses, and boxed wine is used as bath water. Allow me now to introduce our illustrious referees! From left to right, the French Connoisseur, Our Divorce Lawyer, the Boy Who Married the Enemy, The Wife, Ph.D., the Disney-Obsessed Man-Child, Minnie Mouse, and the Fat Ecuadorian Immigrant. I am your host, the Man Who Lost His Sense Of Taste, and, boy, do we have a quasi-orgasmic show in store for you today.

So, without further ado, today's secret ingredient is...

[Crimson velvety curtains part, revealing three scantily-clad sirens merrily jumping inside an old wooden wine vat while pelting each other with red grapes]...

2007 CYPRUS SHIRAAAAAZ!

Syrah, or Shiraz as it's known in the New World, sprung to life in the Northern Rhone region of France not long after the Dureza (Daddy) and Mondeuse Blanche (Mommy) grapes defrocked in a remote field and did the nasty. Today, this prized varietal makes powerful, full-bodied wines with aromas of dark berries, pepper, chocolate and coffee, and is revered the world over.

Our sommeliers have selected five 2007 Shiraz produced by some of The Rock's top wineries (Hadjiantonas, Vlassides, Aes Ambelis, Makkas and Kyperounda.) Each bottle will be judged blindly by our pantheon of referees and assigned a score out of 25 points, 5 points each for appearance, aroma, body, taste and finish. So put on your blindfolds, unbuckle your belts and slip a Viagra; it's about to get de-bau-che-rous in here!

Wine 1 Tasting Notes: Plums, forest berries and some animal notes on the nose. Full-bodied, low on tannins, a bit oxidized according to the French Connoisseur. Short to medium length with a peppery finish. The Disney-Obsessed Man-Child found the wine completely uninteresting; "like Paris Hilton," he adjudicated. 

Wine 2 Tasting Notes: Very subtle bouquet, some floral, coffee and pomegranate notes. Very smooth wine with low tannins and a touch of sweetness. Finishes off with a hint of vanilla and cinnamon. Again, the Disney-Obsessed Man-Child was unimpressed: "...it's like covering your wife's nude body in chocolate, eventually you forget about the chocolate..."

Wine 3 Tasting Notes: Nose is similar to Wine 2, a bit more floral. Rich, full-bodied, very smooth with a longer peppery finish. Approved by most, particularly the Disney-Obsessed Man-Child who compared the wine to a Playboy Bunny.

Wine 4 Tasting Notes: Aroma of red fruit with some leather and gaminess. Full-bodied, no tannins, balanced wine with a short finish. Spicier than Wine 3 and a bit marked by The Rock's heat according to the French Connoisseur.

Wine 5 Tasting Notes: Bouquet dominated by red fruit with hints of earth and game. Very jammy wine, full bodied ("like Mateo or Beyonce," quipped the Disney-Obsessed Man-Child) and round. Short finish and little tannins. Second best of the lot, ranked first by Minnie Mouse, The Wife, Ph.D., and the Fat Ecuadorian Immigrant.

Final Results (Out of a Max Score of 175 Points)

5th Place: Wine #1 - 2007 Kyperounda Shiraz (95/175)

4th Place: Wine #4 - 2007 Domaine Vlassides Shiraz (99/175)

3rd Place: Wine #2 - 2007 Makkas Shiraz (108/175)

2nd Place: Wine #5 - 2007 Aes Ambelis Shiraz (125/175)

And the winner, in a squeaker, is Wine #3 - 2007 Domaine Hadjiantonas Shiraz! (126/175)

Even though The Boy Who Married The Enemy disliked our selection and claimed he "wouldn't buy any of them," us here at Wino Ref Nicosia stand one-hundred percent behind The Rock's product. Granted, while some wines failed to tickle our priva...I mean palates, a few certainly made Dionysus blush with pride. Until the next time.